9、01.01.1953 ...
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亲爱的盖勒特：
真令人高兴。看起来你似乎已经意识到，你没法为了那个有待争议的目标就劝我放弃我的计划。要是我们真的把余生都耗费在通过猫头鹰吵架的话，那实在是很丢人了。
当然，我已经感受到了来自那股力量的诱惑，就像你曾经感受到的一样。但是老朋友，你意识到它的危险了吗？伊尔玛利宁的悠久历史肯定已经扩展到了你极北的角落。有些事物是必须要被摧毁的。而那件东西，盖勒特，它并不是件活物。这一点至关重要。它没有记忆，没有灵魂，其中也并没有生命。把它销毁并不是一桩谋杀*，只是为了防止它给后代带来我们已亲身经历过的血流成河。
我担心，它的能力之一，就是会让与它产生联结的巫师陷入痴迷般的激情、近乎于扭曲的爱意。我很难过地意识到你也并未幸免于此。但是我不会为了那些必须要做的事情道歉，那是为了——对，为了更伟大的利益。* 更美好的未来不需要它那可怕的诱惑参与。打破它血腥的传承对于浸染在秘闻中的强大巫师们之间的动态关系来说如此重要——以致其毫无疑问将翻开新的篇章……哦，天哪，新的篇章。恐怕在新年的日子里写下这种词句让我有些伤感了。
但我依然因为我必须让你处于这样的境地而感到抱歉。
你说的没错。尽管这么说有些残酷，但是这正是事实——我确实因为曾是你的爱人而感到深深的羞愧，如果“爱人”真是形容我们之间关系的正确用词的话。假使过去这些回忆还能让我给你带来些许安慰的话，也算是一种微小的快乐吧。虽然，我想，你实际上更想要听到的是麻瓜的尖叫？
用甜食来转移别人的注意力算是我的一个坏习惯。要是还有什么能代替它的话，或许是更多的书籍？我想格特鲁德那些合乎文法的古怪内容或许能带给你少许娱乐。
盖勒特，我承认，我其实花了太多的时间想着我们曾一同度过的年少时光。距离我上次同另一个人如此亲密已经过去了太久。那时的我无所畏惧，亦无所隐瞒。你又一次说对了：我无法改变已经发生的事实。而当我忆起你和你的光辉——啊，我曾以为这能够拯救我，毕竟我实在很难否认在那段沉湎于恣意享乐与放纵野心的几个月时光中感受到的快乐。但是代价呢？盖勒特，代价！你抛下我一个人埋葬了我的妹妹，以致我永远无法平复自己不安的良心，始终拷问这一切发生的根本原因究竟是不是我一人的责任。你让我狼狈不堪地藏起部分的自己。
哈，曙光来临，此刻正在苏格兰薄雾笼罩的寒冷山丘上蔓延。霍格沃茨没被像盆栽似的土壤环绕——我敢说这景象即使对你来说也足够野蛮了。* 厚重的云层围绕着禁林，而我一夜未眠，我……
希望你会喜欢你的书，盖勒特。
阿不思·邓布利多
[附：《每个人的自传》，格特鲁德·斯坦]
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[原文]
January 1st, 1953
Dear Gellert,
You do seem to realize that you will not talk me out of my plans for the object in question, for which I am glad. It would be a shame to wear the wings off owls arguing over this for the rest of our lives.
Of course I have felt it, the temptation of it, as you have. But do you realize the danger of it, old friend？ Surely the old history of Ilmarinen has spread to your corners of the North. There are some things that must be destroyed. And it is not, Gellert, alive. This is crucial. It has no memory, no soul, no life within it. It is not murder to end it, to prevent it from drowning future generations in blood as it has ours.
One of its powers, I fear, is that the wizards that bond to it do so with an obsessive passion that borders on twisted love. I am saddened to see you affected by this. But I will not apologize for what must be done for—yes—the greater good. The future will be better off without the temptations this thing offers. Breaking its blood inheritance will turn over a new leaf in the relations between the powerful wizards who are steeped in the mysteries...oh, dear. New leaves. I'm afraid that writing on New Year's Day makes me maudlin.
But, yet, again, I am sorry for the condition I must leave you in.
Yet you are correct. Cruel as it is to say, it is the truth—I am ashamed, to have been your lover, if 'lover' is even the word for such as us. Yet it is a s|mall pleasure that I am able to provide you with some comfort through those memories. I thought, though, that you liked hearing the screams of Muggles？
It is a bad habit of mine to distract people with sweets. In lieu of that, perhaps, more books? I think Gertrude's grammatical eccentricities might provide you with some entertainment.
I admit, Gellert, that I've been thinking overlong myself on our boyhood time together. It has been so long since I was so intimate with another, without fear, without withholding. You are correct again: I cannot change history. And it is difficult to deny the joy of those months spent in abandoned pleasure and ambition, when I thought that you and your brilliance would save me. But the cost, Gellert. The cost! You left me burying my sister and forever uncertain of my own decency. You left me with parts of myself I must ever hide.
Ah, here is the dawn, coming up cold and misty over the Scottish hills. No potted fields here around Hogwarts—wild enough for you, I dare say. The clouds are thick round the dark forest near the grounds, and I have not slept tonight, and I...
Enjoy your books, Gellert.
AD
[enclosure: Everybody's Autobiography, Gertrude Stein]
作者有话说
第9章 01.01.1953
