《[HP]Thirty-Five Owls》言茗

8、19.11.1952

　　阿不思——

　　你真的会那么做吗？打破“它”的力量？
　　我想我甚至根本不必费心来问你。
　　这很奇怪，因为这问题竟然能使我如此困扰。破坏和改写它的整段历史……你拥有它，阿不思。你已经可以感受到它在牵动你的内心和灵魂，这无法违抗的庞大力量正如死亡本身。想象一下这样的力量——如此非凡，如此独特，如此古老——将会被永远地摧毁……
　　甚至我自己都无法理解自己的反应。不过，阿不思，我还以为你不会采取如此激烈的手段。*
　　至于你小小的怒火中烧——纽蒙迦德没有摄魂怪，阿不思。这些看守只是凡人而已，况且你也无需忌妒他们和我一起做的这点运动。我已经在这黑暗的道路走出了很远，因而疼痛对我而言或许不会有各种其他意义，只是不便而已。你最终来彻底击败我时，不是也一样没有消停地向我咆哮了我的那些罪孽吗？在你圣人般地转变了心意之后，难道你不会因为杀害了一个麻瓜而把我扔进监牢，丝毫不在意这会对我们的更伟大的利益有什么影响吗？你凭什么来主宰我的地狱？
　　这里是没有摄魂怪。但纵然如此，夜里每当我入睡的时刻都会听到尖叫。那么，你扪心自问，我会更着迷于听到哪种尖叫呢？战争中倒下的巫师的惨叫？还是属于被迫劳动或受刑时麻瓜的哀号？甚至是听闻你对我们事业的背叛时我自己的怒吼？要么，我也还有可能会听到那许多年前你在我掌心时快活的叫喊呢。* 我当然会想着这最后一种。我当然乐于为此动笔。你曾那么美，你这个痛苦又不幸的老顽固。
　　而倘若你因为自己曾经是本世纪最邪恶的黑魔王的知己与情人而感到羞愧——好吧，我总得以某种方式报仇雪恨，不是吗？你就去教你的学生，吃你的糖，装点你的鸟而将我埋葬罢。但我们曾一同光芒万丈，阿不思，即使是你也无法改变历史。

　　盖勒特·格林德沃

　　.

　　[原文]

　　November 19th, 1952

　　Albus—

　　You would truly do that? Break Its power?

　　I suppose I shouldn't even bother to ask.

　　It is peculiar, though, how much the idea distresses me. Breaking and violating Its entire history...you've held It, Albus. You've felt It tugging at your heart and soul, power as tremendous and inviolate as Death itself. To imagine that power—phenomenal, unique, ancient—destroyed forever...

　　I do not even know my own reaction. But, Albus, I thought you did not kill.*

　　As for your little moment of combustion—there are no dementors in Nurmengard, Albus. The guards are only human—and, no, you shouldn't begrudge them a little sport with me. I have gone too far down the path of the Dark for pain to be anything but an inconvenience. Didn't you, too, rant endlessly about my sins when you finally came to vanquish me? Wouldn't you have me tossed in prison for taking the life of a single Muggle, after your saintly change of heart, no matter what it means for our Greater Good? Who are you to dictate my Hell?

　　There are no dementors, yet still, every night as I sleep, there are screams. And do you really think I'd prefer to hear? The screams of wizards falling in battle, or of Muggles at labor or under torture, or even my own? when I heard of your betrayal to our cause, when instead I might hear your screams of pleasure* at my hands all those years ago? Of course I have been thinking of that. Of course I have been writing on it. You were beautiful once, you miserable dingbat.

　　And if you are ashamed, humiliated, that you were once the confidant and lover of the Dark terror of the century—well, I must get my revenge somehow. Go teach your children, eat your candy, preen your bird and bury me. But we were brilliant together, Albus, and not even you can change history.

　　GG

作者有话说

　　It（“它”）=其实也非常明显——暗示了非常多次，关于决斗，关于战利品——老魔杖。
*关于这一句，犹豫了很久。以前我觉得它是代表勇往直前，无法被停下。没有人能阻止阿不思摧毁老魔杖。（尤其是参考不同的版本时。）然而现在我很难说服自己再写下这一句，虽然说不上什么原因。从转折意味着，GG以前不觉得AD会做这样一件事，直到他本人指出他将要这么做。如果说老魔杖是一个人，那这样激烈的行为（摧毁）不免就意味着他是“杀”了这样的存在。按照这么理解，应该是觉得AD很果决吧，居然毫不留转圜的余地，甚至不多研究一下。
*我真没想到，我的浏览器也不会想到，我的搜索引擎更不会想到，有这么一天我需要搜scream of pleasure的中文应该怎么讲！语境下应该是很响的一种声音，原谅我真的想不出更合适的词来匹配。（是有这么一个词还适合，但是它它它要是拿来形容AD未免太ooc了……）