《a little》不渡万山

4、第 4 章 you

　　you suddenly turned your head to look over at your best friend Yuya, who was sitting beside you. a concerned expression was written across his face. he seemed to notice that something was wrong, but you couldn't explain exactly what. the fact was that you couldn't figure out exactly where this feeling had come from, either.
　　"i'm fine," you answered, nodding a bit.
　　"okay... you can talk to me, y'know," he replied. "i won't judge you or anything."
　　you looked over at him. for a moment, you just looked at him. his dark brown eyes stared straight at you, waiting patiently for you to reply. you opened your mouth, but instead of saying any sort of response, you decided to hug him.
　　it wasn't often that someone would approach you in such an intimate manner, especially on campus. and to say that it was surprising for you was certainly an understatement. you weren't exactly expecting anyone to try reaching out and speaking to you, let alone ask you whether you were alright.
　　but as you sat on your desk chair, holding Yuya's hand and staring out the window above the blackboard, all those doubts melted away. you found yourself actually thinking of the question he had asked you.
　　had you been alright...?
　　how could you possibly know for certain, anyway?
　　after you first became aware that you weren't human, all you had to do was listen for your heart rate to change. you had tried counting them multiple times, only to discover that no matter how hard you tried to pay close attention, no matter how much you listened carefully, you always sounded out of breath.
　　there were some people who could hear your heart beat and knew you were alive, but there were still some others who didn't even consider your presence to be real. and for most of your life, that's what kept you grounded. to the point where you were willing to believe in a nonexistent God of Heaven, despite the fact that you had absolutely no proof.
　　and yet now, right in front of you, was a person who believed wholeheartedly in your existence.
　　whoever said miracles were impossible didn't know what they were talking about. because somehow, someway, someone was actually listening.
　　you looked down at your lap, squeezing Yuya's hand gently.
　　he squeezed yours back as he ran his fingers lightly along the back of your hand, sending shivers down your spine.
　　it's probably just a fluke..., you tried to convince yourself.
　　when Yuya had shown up at the bus stop on the morning after the incident, you were unsure if you could bring yourself to say anything at all about what happened between the two of you. you didn't want to put pressure on either of you. and besides, if he had no interest in pursuing a romantic relationship with you, you should respect that.
　　you couldn't help the way your stomach dropped and your heart pounded in your chest each time he showed up, however, which resulted in you constantly being distracted and wondering how you could even keep a conversation flowing with him. the thought of asking him what he liked about you crossed your mind several times before you managed to pull yourself together.
　　it was just so difficult to talk to him normally, especially when you didn't even know what he was thinking! you didn't know how to deal with people at all!
　　that night was a particularly bad night for you. you spent the next half hour trying to sleep, but every time you closed your eyes, you found yourself waking up in the middle of the night, terrified that something bad was happening to you. you didn't know what else to do, so you called your mom, hoping she could come home to calm you down.
　　you must have fallen asleep on her shoulder sometime near dawn because by the time your mother arrived home, you were already soundly asleep. your father was nowhere to be seen as you woke up; she told you that he had gone to work early that morning, but that he should be back later. she also informed you that she had bought you breakfast from the nearest diner that morning, and that she wanted you to eat something while she cooked.
　　you went into the kitchen and sat down at the table, waiting for her to finish setting everything up for dinner. she came into the room carrying a tray, placing it on the countertop in front of you. she smiled warmly as she watched you sit down.
　　the past few weeks had been hard on you, you noticed. she was always working hard on her own business and taking care of your father. you felt guilty for worrying her like that, but you figured that it was something that she had to do, given her profession.
　　she had even taken the liberty of finding you some new clothes to wear, although they were a little large on you. she assured you that you could borrow some of her clothing until you found something suitable for your height. you appreciated her efforts, even if it was a little too expensive for you to be able to use.
　　"how are you doing today, darling?" she inquired softly, sitting herself down opposite of you. "how is it living at home for a while now?"
　　"i've gotten used to it," you responded simply. you reached over and grabbed a spoon before scooping up a spoonful of mashed potatoes. "this is really good. thank you."
　　"I'm glad you're enjoying your new school," she stated proudly. she took a bite of her food. "so what classes have you picked?"
　　"well, unfortunately for me, english is not my favorite subject... but I guess that's what you get for studying abroad." you joked, smiling at her.
　　"hey!" she protested, hitting you playfully on the arm, her cheeks flushed red with embarrassment.
　　"what's English anyways?" you questioned.
　　"it's... well... a language that we learn in order to speak our native tongue," she explained slowly, giving you an uncertain smile. "why do you ask?"
　　"nothing," you shrugged, shaking your head slightly. "sorry. i'm just curious."
　　"oh. alright." she paused momentarily, looking down at her plate before turning her attention back towards you. "speaking of languages, I don't suppose you've heard any rumors floating around about the transfer student from Japan staying at the dorms, have you?"