《No Name Yet》有有

3、~Chapter 3~

　　I walked down the street, very slowly. Observing this city, watching the

　　people that were walking so quickly and passing me by. Enjoying the feeling

　　of everything slowing down. I had a feeling like I am a spectator, watching a

　　movie, happening right here in my real life, not imaginary. There are not

　　really much sceneries in here, besides thousands of hotels that were

　　resplendent and magnificent, which none of them fit my appetite. I know, Las

　　Vegas is a city that always present as a symbol of gambling and sex. People

　　are making all kinds of deals here, whether dirty or holy and pure, this is

　　just the place they pick out and decide to do it.

　　Then what am I doing here? I asked myself, but then baffled by this

　　question. I came here, for the work, for the money at the first place. Right,

　　but, what am I looking for now after all? Everything happened these few years

　　started to flash across my mind. That brown edgy old letter suddenly caught

　　my memory, and then I remembered I still have a sister, who named Joanne

　　Elizabeth in this world. I set up my next goal immediately --- Find Her!

　　I closed my eyes, feeling the nymphs of the sun dancing on my skin,

　　through my eyelids; I had a very strong feeling that I am going to meet her!

　　I opened my eyes then, all of a sudden I was dazzled.

　　“Ouch!!!!!” What the heck?! My forehead was nearly wounded by something,

　　something warm, and hard! I raised my head and looked into his eyes. This was

　　how I met my first boy friend --- Whitney. This was how I made the most

　　“beautiful” mistake in my life also.

　　We fell in love in a rapid time like all the other couples. Ero’s arrows

　　are everywhere, and you cannot avoid them. I gave him all I could think of,

　　included myself, and that was my first time. I did it because --- I love him

　　for no reason.

　　I went to the hospital a month later, just for a regular check as what I

　　do every year in the summer.

　　“Miss. Elizabeth, is that you?” the doctor held some documents in his hands

　　and looked straight into my eyes, I had a bad feeling about this regular

　　check right away.
　　“Yes, certainly.” I nodded, waiting for him to continue.

　　“Lady, have a seat please.” He made a gesture. “Is your family here? I’d like

　　to talk to her or him.”

　　\"No.” I replied. My only sister is now in a place I don’t know.

　　He sighed, “I am really sorry for you. Miss Elizabeth, I am afraid that you

　　may not tolerate the truth.” I had a hard time to breathe when I heard his

　　words, like a fish that was hardly breathed without waters.

　　“I will know it ultimately, it is just a matter of time.” I shrugged my

　　shoulders; try to make myself look calm.

　　“Miss Elizabeth, are you sure?” he asked me in a serious tone.

　　I nodded.

　　“You have cancer of uterus.”

　　“Is that means…that means… I will never be able to have a child?” I

　　clenched my jaws, felt all the bloods that rose up into my brain just in a

　　few second.

　　“Hmm.”

　　The last thing I saw was that he again opened his mouth and was saying

　　something that I couldn’t here, and he looked extremely worried about me. Then

　　the blackness came, I passed out.

　　I didn’t plan to tell this to Whitney, although I definitely wanted to, but

　　I was too afraid of what he will think of me. Maybe it was not a right time

　　for both of us to face it, but until one day…

　　“Do you love me?” I asked him after once more on the bed, nearly begging. I

　　knew that was a dumb question; I thought I could control my emotion, but I

　　was wrong. I kissed him with my eyes closed, and I knew I had fallen for him.

　　“Gillian, why are you asking such stupid thing?” A smile stretched across his

　　face, and opened up a beer. “I thought we both understood this. Am I right?”

　　I turned my head to the other side, let the tears stay still; suddenly

　　understood there won’t be any results for us.
　　“I am pregnant. And I WANT this child, l-e-g-a-l-l-y!” I didn’t want to be

　　completely hopeless, still wished if he was willing to merry me. So I lied to

　　him.

　　“Gillian, you know this is impossible for me, for both of us. I came to

　　this place for have fun, not for any marriage!” All of a sudden Whitney’s face

　　faded away so quickly as if I just stuck a knife into him. A minute of pulse,

　　I stared at him.

　　“All right, I am sorry that I spoke out this way.” Whitney said, trying to

　　avoid the unavoidable. “But you know I gotta go to college after this summer,

　　and my parents will kill me if they know this!”

　　“You got anything else to say to me?” I asked him coldly.

　　A second for silence.

　　But then --- “Yeah!” Whitney nodded slowly and with a return of courage and

　　said, “You shouldn’t lie to me Gillian.”

　　I think now I can feel what he felt a moment ago --- fear.

　　“What? What are you talking about?”

　　“You know what yourself is, Gillian. I saw that document on your desk; you

　　don’t have wombs any more. So why should I stay with a woman who doesn’t even

　　has wombs?”

　　He definitely touched my wounded place; I ignore and tolerate it if it was

　　spoken out from other people’s mouth. But it was he! My face must have been

　　very pale in that second, I could feel the blood, turned extremely cold when

　　I heard his words, as if thousands of arrows shot into me, stuck into my

　　flesh. Despite, disappointed, and above of all, PAINFUL --- of what he said,

　　I wished to slap him, I thought of it, and I did it in the next second.

　　We broke up. And I knew I was the real loser in this competition. I

　　couldn\'t believe how I’d made this situation? I thought I don’t have the

　　ability to love people after their death. But I do, I do very much! People

　　turned to an idiot when they fell in love, and I am not the exception. After

　　so many years, when I recalled my memory of this, I wouldn’t believe I’d choose

　　him at the first place.

　　Back to those days, I created myself a dream, a dream like a colorful,

　　delightful and imaginary bubble, which now it burst into the air so

　　abruptly that it didn\'t give me any second to think.