《red light》不渡万山

2、第 2 章

　　To reassure themselves that their relationship hadn't been affected in any way. But, to be honest, her mind had begun to wander elsewhere since he said that the two of them wouldn't be together.
　　There was a part of her that wished that things were different. That she wouldn't wake up everyday wondering when he'd call. Even with that thought in mind, she pushed it to the side, telling herself that she shouldn't worry about it. Because she had no control over it.
　　But she had to try.
　　It would just be easier for everyone if she tried to enjoy the fact that he was here, with her.
　　When she answered, she could hear how defeated her voice sounded.
　　"You already know what I have to live with," she replied quietly. "But it's probably better this way anyway. You've done such great things, Dean and you deserve a rest."
　　"Hey now," he said with a grin, pushing himself off the bed until he was hovering over her. One of his hands went up to cup her cheek. She had grown accustomed to being treated this way during the last few weeks that they've been dating – the touch, the kisses, the compliments he constantly threw in – and it never failed to make her blush. "Don't sell yourself short just because you've seen the best parts of me. Remember what we talked about at Stanford?" he whispered. "You can do anything you put your mind to. We're gonna do the same thing together. No matter what life throws at us, remember that we're gonna have each other."
　　She nodded and leaned upwards until her lips were pressed against his. When he pulled away, she smiled.
　　"We'll always have each other," she murmured and closed her eyes.
　　Dean kissed the corner of her mouth before pulling away altogether. He leaned back against the headboard of the bed and crossed his legs at the ankles. For a moment, they stayed silent again before Dean spoke.
　　"I can't wait to live next door to you," he said with a dreamy smile on his face. Then, he added, quieter than she had heard in months, "and for a whole year."
　　A year.
　　It's the longest she' d ever spent apart from him and it felt unreal. In many ways, it felt more like five days, but it wasn't a long time for either of them. Just five days in total. She'd never thought of five days before – not counting their trips to visit Sam in Lawrence – when she started dating Dean. Five days of being able to hold his hand whenever she wanted, kiss him whenever she wanted, talk to him whenever she wanted, hug him whenever she wanted.
　　Five days without him – well, actually, three days of having to listen to his complaining, four days of worrying if he'd be able to take care of himself without her and six days of waking up alone at night. She felt sick. She'd gotten better at sleeping alone, but it was still hard sometimes.
　　"You've got to promise me something."
　　He furrowed his brows, clearly curious as to what she was talking about.
　　"Promise you won't disappear or forget me."
　　He opened and closed his mouth several times before finally replying.
　　"What? Why would I-"
　　"Because you'll find someone else who deserves you better than I do," she continued, cutting him off before he could finish what he was saying. "Someone who is worthy of you; someone you'll love and cherish more than anything else. Promise me, Dean."
　　She saw the hurt flash across his face momentarily before his usual stoic expression returned. She felt bad, but she needed to convince him. It was for their sakes. They didn't want things to change between them, but if he ended up getting married someday, she knew it was inevitable that one or both of them would be forgotten and moved on by the people he chose. She could see that clearly now. She could practically hear her mother screaming it at her the very moment she decided to leave with him.