《red light》不渡万山

3、第 3 章

　　She was only eighteen years old and had no idea what the hell she was going to do when she had reached adulthood, but she was sure there was absolutely no way that she would stay around and watch as her father slowly remarried after losing the woman he loved to a man twice her age and had left her alone.
　　Besides, even though he might have loved her at one point, she was certain that he couldn't possibly love her as much anymore. After five years of loving her, after everything that had happened, she knew that his feelings towards her had gradually changed from what they used to be. He still loved her, probably more than he ever had, but she knew it wasn't the same kind of love. Not anymore.
　　Maybe that was the problem. He didn't believe in true love anymore. Or at least, not anymore in the sense that it had always defined his relationship with her.
　　If only things hadn' t gone so wrong with their relationship. If only she could go back to that point and fix everything. Maybe then things would be different for them. Maybe then he wouldn' t feel like she'd broken his heart, breaking her own heart as well.
　　And maybe then she might have a chance of happiness.

　　After making up their minds, they both agreed not to say anything to anyone, not even to each other. If anything were to happen and they weren't together anymore…well, there wouldn't really be anything they could do about it except hope for the best.
　　They were still planning on going their separate ways, but they wanted to tell everyone first. As much as they both hated lying to them, they needed them to know. If there was ever any hope for them being together again, it meant telling people sooner rather than later. If it came to that.
　　The hardest thing of all for Alex was giving up on her dreams. Although they had once meant nothing to her, they were now all she had and she couldn't bear to let them slip through her fingers. The idea of not having a job, the possibility of living in poverty and loneliness…that didn't seem possible. Not even with all the money she had accumulated throughout the years. That was the price that most people had to pay for having dreams.
　　Still, there was no reason to dwell on her problems. Instead, she focused on her plans. Which were, in fact, rather simple.
　　First, she'd have to find her parents. She could have easily done it on her own, but she needed their help. Her father was always the best person to ask when it came to finances.
　　After asking around some, it became apparent that the family had moved away. Apparently, their daughter had left home and had no recollection of ever mentioning where she was going to move to. All she knew was that she'd eventually be able to get her own place if she found the right job. And if she wasn't, she could always go work in another town like New York, or London, or wherever the hell.
　　Then, there was the matter of finding a job.
　　Most of the jobs she could apply for were either impossible or highly dangerous. With no job skills, it was clear to her that she' d be completely useless. At least, not while working on her book. It was important for her to prove herself and she definitely didn't have the means to do so.
　　So, that left her with one solution.
　　She'd have to start working in the field. She'd have to do research, learn from whoever taught her how to use the technology and find out how to save time.
　　For someone who lived on an island with hardly anybody around, she knew it wouldn' t be easy. Even though she'd spent most of her time alone, it wasn't easy trying to fit into society. People wouldn't just let her walk into a restaurant without looking at the menu. She also wouldn't let herself sit at one table when every single table seemed empty, especially not a table where two people were supposed to share a meal.
　　But she would find a job, a way to earn enough money to feed herself and Sammy until her mother came back.