《red light》不渡万山

16、第 16 章

　　Should he call Dean? Should he leave? Maybe he could talk to someone and somehow get them to come and look for him. He groaned internally at the thought. It wouldn't work, he knew. No matter what he suggested, no one would ever believe him.
　　He closed his eyes and rolled over onto his stomach, letting his thoughts drift for a while longer. Before long, he slipped into slumber once again.
　　Meanwhile, Dean sat in Bobby Singer's study staring absently at the floor and drumming his fingers anxiously on his thigh. There was no doubt in his mind anymore. He had messed up. Completely and utterly messed up. And now it was too late to take the blame on himself. Because he had failed to protect Castiel, had he not?
　　But what could he have done differently?
　　His thoughts immediately shifted to Cas; he needed to see him. He needed to apologize. Now. But before he could decide on what to do, he heard the sound of the front door opening. He jumped up, abandoning his musings and dashed to the hallway, only to find out that it was Sam. Dean sighed quietly with relief.
　　"Where is he?" Sam blurted out as he rushed past Dean. He was already halfway into the living room before Dean managed to even respond.
　　John Winchester emerged shortly thereafter.
　　"Dad," Dean began. "Why aren't you with-"
　　"Where is my son?" interrupted John.
　　"At Bobby's," replied Dean softly.
　　John nodded understandingly before making his way upstairs, ignoring Dean's protests.
　　Suddenly, the door burst open. Mary Winchester stood in the doorway with wide eyed concern and a worried frown on her face.
　　"Dean," she breathed, running towards her eldest son.
　　Dean hugged his mother tightly.
　　"I'm sorry," he said. "I screwed up so bad. How am I supposed to fix this? Why won't Castiel forgive me?"
　　Mary looked at him with pity, placing both hands on his shoulders.
　　"Sweetheart," she began, caressing his cheeks. "Don't beat yourself up over this. Just try to stay positive and remember how happy Cas is, okay? That'll be enough."
　　Dean exhaled shakily. Mary smiled slightly.
　　"Okay," he whispered. "I... I'll try to do that."
　　Mary smiled warmly at him, before glancing down at the floor as she recalled what had caused all this commotion in the first place. Her brow furrowed slightly.
　　"Is Sam here as well?" she asked worriedly.
　　Dean frowned. He hadn't even thought about Sam yet. He shook his head slowly.
　　"No," he replied. "I don't think so."
　　She bit her lip nervously.
　　"What about you?" she asked.
　　Dean stared at his mother blankly for a few seconds before sighing heavily.
　　"I have no idea," he admitted. "I haven't seen or heard from him since..."
　　He trailed off.
　　"Since the fire," Mary completed.
　　Dean nodded sadly. For a few minutes the three of them stayed silent. After a moment, though, Dean broke the silence, asking:
　　"Mom, what if he doesn't forgive me?"
　　Mary placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and gazed at him seriously.
　　"Dean, you can't force him to forgive you just because he's upset about something," she stated.
　　Dean pursed his lips. He wasn't sure if he believed that. Not after what had happened yesterday. Not when Castiel seemed so intent on hating him.
　　"What if I make things worse?" he asked. "What if he never wants to talk to me again?"
　　Mary paused for a moment. She could sense that Dean was close to losing his grip, so she gently removed her hand from his shoulder and instead wrapped an arm around him. Dean immediately relaxed against her, leaning his cheek against her shoulder as he let out a soft sob.
　　"Dean, I know you've made mistakes and hurt your family numerous times," she began quietly. "But you can't expect your brother to forgive you without giving him a chance to do the same. You need to give him time."
　　Dean nodded, not saying anything. He remained in the position that he was in for several minutes, allowing his mother to comfort him and attempt to calm his fears. Finally, she drew away from him and gave him a smile.
　　"Go on to bed," she ordered. "Your brother will be waiting for you."
　　Without any further words, he quickly left the room. Mary sighed deeply, rubbing her forehead tiredly. Suddenly, she heard the front door swing open. A second later, she was enveloped in a tight hug.
　　"Mom, I'm sorry," whispered Dean.
　　She wrapped her arms tightly around her eldest son and kissed the top of his head.
　　"It's alright, Dean. Everything's going to be fine."
　　Dean' s breathing became unsteady as he tightened his hold on her. Tears began to form in his eyes, and he let them roll down his cheeks silently. A short while later, he pulled away.
　　"Thank you," he mumbled.
　　Mary smiled warmly.
　　"You're very welcome, sweetie."
　　Dean nodded before rushing upstairs. Mary shook her head slightly with a sad sigh. Then she walked through the dining room, intending to grab a bottle of whiskey.