32、GG-AD ...
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1996年一月，或许——
阿不思——
五十年。我在这个鬼地方呆了五十年。这些年来，你——包括你在内的所有人——从没人给我寄过糖果。仅仅是闻到它们的气味就已让我兴奋到颤抖。这是我这辈子尝过的最美味的东西。
五十年。我已骨瘦如柴伤痕累累，我几乎不敢相信我曾经美丽过。我是这里唯一活着的囚犯了。守卫们都已离开，有个家养小精灵将食物从栅栏那儿推给我。就连我手表上的魔法也都快失效。指针在颤抖，日期难以辨认。我猜一只猫头鹰从霍格沃茨到这里差不多要三天？还是更多？难道世界在我脚下延伸得更广阔了吗？不然我怎么感觉离你更远了？根据太阳的位置，我想现在是一月的某一天吧。
如今除了当你的聆听者，我什么都做不了。阿不思，你又在一边喝着圣诞节的雪利酒，一边泪流面满地给你遥远的爱人写着信吗？我们就这样来来回回，反反复复。你的字迹丝毫未变，我的羊皮纸快用光了。同我通信的人，他们大多都去世了。这屋里的每本书我翻来覆去不知读了多少遍。我想福克斯还活着吧？一切还是老样子吗？
我不再失眠了。在昏昏欲睡时读格特鲁德的书，会觉得她说的合乎情理。听我说，两个音节一句话。
可怜的阿不思。我几乎不再生你的气了。他妈的，我甚至想对你道歉。你从未结过婚成过家，也从未有过孩子，不是吗？你死去时会带着“它”，还有你的波特小男孩，除了那只漂亮的鸟和一包糖果外，你什么都没留下。
但这意味着我们有共同之处。你和我——我们都爱上了比自己更好的人，却把一切都搞砸了。我让你赢了那场决斗是因为我觉得你会救我，你这个背叛我的混蛋，你抛下了我，留我在这里腐烂。我知道，你只关心那个男孩。不过我不会被你摧毁的。你不能摧毁我。
可我们已经太老了，阿不思。我们属于一个世纪前为水车供水的溪流，而不是被困于世界的角落，在我们的高塔里耗尽余生。我们属于未被这些通信摧毁之前，我们属于最初，彼时我们的才华尚未被责任桎梏，我们的美丽尚未被岁月侵蚀。
我尽量不去想任何事。不再想你，也不再回忆往事，只在我的囚室里来回走着。门上刻着符号——一个三角、一个圆还有一条竖线。
你是对的。那个男孩至少该走在阳光下，去过美好的生活。而我们的美好，早在很久很久之前就已经被毁掉了。
盖勒特·格林德沃
＊＊＊＊原文＊＊＊＊
January of 1996, perhaps--
Albus--
Fifty years. I have been here fifty shit-scraping years. And in all that time, you--you of all people--never sent me sweets. Just the smell of them made me shake with joy. It was the most glorious thing I've tasted in my life.
Fifty years. My body is a skeleton pecked with sores, I can barely remember how I could have been beautiful once. I'm the only inmate alive. The guards have left. An ancient house elf shoves the food between the bars. Even the charms on my watch are fading. The hands waver, the calendar's nearly dead. I think an owl takes three days or so to get from Hogwarts to here? More, perhaps, these days? Is the world expanding beneath me? Is that why I've become so distant? So it must be sometimes in January, the sun's in about the right place.
But I am nothing to you anymore but an ear. Writing ancient lovers tearful letters in your Christmas sherry again, Albus? Back & forth we go, back & forth. Your hand hasn't even changed. I'm running out of parchment. Most of my correspondents are dead. I've read every book in this room a dozen times. I suppose Fawkes is still there? Everything as it always was?
I don't bother to sleep anymore. If I read Gertrude in delirium, she almost makes sense. Words of one, two syllables. Listen to me.
Poor Albus. I'm barely even angry with you anymore. Scheisse, I almost feel sorry for you. You never had children, did you? Never married, never settled down? You'll just die and take It and the Potter boy with you, leaving nothing but pretty birdsong & a bag of candy.
But this means you have something in common with me. You and I--we fall in love with people better than us, and we do it badly. I let you win that duel because I thought you would save me, you betraying bastard, and you left me to rot instead. You don't care about anyone but the boy anymore, I know. But you will not break me. You will not break me.
We're getting too old. We belong a century ago by the millstream, Albus, not rotting away in our towers caught on the horns of the world. We belong at the beginning, where our brilliance is not weighted by responsibility, our beauty not marred by age. Before the consequences start breaking us.
I've stopped thinking of you, those times in the past. I've tried to stop thinking of anything, really. Just back & forth across my cell. Words over the door. Triangles and circles and lines.
You're right. One boy, at least, should walk away with a good life. Ours are long, long destroyed.
Gellert Grindelwald
作者有话说
第32章 GG-AD
