《魔镜》黄間友香

1、Mirror

　　She changes. She is one of the residents in my apartment on the second floor, and I am a manager. My job is sitting at the front desk all the time and looking around sometimes. Other than that, I usually read magazines from the garbage. Don’t be bias. I also clean up residents’ rooms for free. Most of the residents are students and they scatter everything into the garbage can. Their rooms are full of the stuff and they don’t remember someone gets into their room and clean it for them. In fact, nobody realizes that I take some magazines. The latest one is always released, so students do not care about that. When I think of these extra magazines equal with my work, it is too little to ask. I can know everyone in my apartment and observe them. That’s the only thing I can do with magazines. However, I have never found a magazine from her room.

　　Usually, residents treat me same as air. But, she is the exception. She is the one, who always smiles clumsily but greets me politely and does not bother me at all. She sometimes talks with me. It’s also rare. People usually do not want to talk to the manager if nothing happens. It may be just my opinion, but many residents usually pass through the desk. I would say they try not to look at me. Maybe because they only talk with college students. I don’t know, but I do not smile often, either. My father was the old-fashion type and felt uncomfortable when I smiled. So, I stopped. It’s been a while since my father passed away, so I allow for a smile. However, I will never ever smile unless some special occasions happen. Unfortunately, I inherit the stubborn part of my father. No smile. That might be a reason people do not want to talk with me. Only she looks at my office and says hi to me. I can tell she comes from educational family. Unlike “others” who have a party every night and bring guys who smell like smoke and weed, she stays in the library all day. Her only friend is a book. She always brings a big shoulder bag and comes home from the library with her bigger bag crammed with more books. Let’s say her name is A.

　　One day, I clear up my storage. My mother called me and forced me to do. She wants to get rid of my father’s belongings. I find a full-length mirror, which may look good at the entrance of my apartment. Even though I did hate my father, his belongings have nothing to do with it. I decided to put up the mirror. When A comes back from the library as usual, she stares at herself in the mirror like a person who sees herself for the first time. Once she realizes me, she greets me and leaves as usual.

　　In the next day, when she comes back from the library, her shoulder back is not big, so I ask her what is in her bag. She hesitates but says: “I went to a shop to buy my makeup instead of going to the library.” I worry about her little bit since she is always alone and she only goes to either the school or library, so I am surprised but happy about that. I smile like a parent and say: “Good for you.”

　　Sometimes, I imagine what if I have a kid. His or her age would be close ages to A. I want my kid to read lots of books. I don’t want to spoil my kid, so I would not give many presents except books. I would give as many books as my kid wants. But, I want my kid to have many friends. I do not want him or her to feel lonely. In a sense, A is my ideal kid, so I may treat her as my kid. “This smile is an exception,” I say to myself. After she leaves, my heart is warm and works well. I think I make a good decision. Now, she is one of the girls who have fun her youth.

　　Getting friends might be good for her, but it turns out not good for me. After one month, she becomes a different person. Now, she does not see me anymore. Instead, she stares at herself in the mirror to check her clothes and makeup. She still greets me if I say hi to her, but her eyes tell me she looks down on me because of my lazy, easy work, sitting in the chair and looking around. I saw my sad face in her eyes, but she does not care about me anymore. The mirror is there as if it has been there since the apartment was built. Its existence is getting stronger day by day and pressures me somehow. I make a fake smile and see the mirror. Then, I regret. It’s not me. It’s somebody else. Even though nobody will talk with me, I decide not to smile.

　　No matter how she changes her appearance, she does not fit into “others,” and their community. “Others” laugh behind her and start taking advantage of her. They ask her to buy something. At first, it is food, drink, and snacks, but it becomes an accessory, drug or money itself. She seems to be spending money that is sent from her parents for the rent. I ask myself whether I should stop it. The answer is maybe no because she and I break off the friendship. Well, I don\'t even know if it was friendship, or not anymore. She pays her rent by the end of the month anyway. I can talk with her if she does not pay. I am no right to interfere residents’ live. Based on tons of excuses, I keep silence.

　　My decision ends up with the worst result. It is just my assumption but she seems to run out her money, “others” consider her as useless and snub her, and she is alone again. “Others” always reflect together in the mirror, but the mirror projects one person when A passes the entrance. To say correctly, my small image is also projected, but I don’t like young people so I usually look away and don’t see the mirror till they are gone. But somehow, I see the mirror and catch her gaze through the reflection. She looks back, her eyes shoot daggers at me, and she screams; “Why did you put up the mirror! Why didn’t you stop me! Why is my life changed!!” She turns away from me and glares at the mirror. She is angry. She is crazy. I am full of fear and look at her in the mirror again. I want to take my eyes away from her but I just cannot look away. For a while, she looks in the mirror like a demon and suddenly, throws her book. The mirror is broken.