《一本日记》水不平

6、日记七号

　　【今天就不写日期了。】

　　刚才朕接一电话:\"我们是某某银行，刚才查询发现您的银行卡昨天在境外消费18万美元，请问是您本人消费么\"

　　朕说:\"是我本人消费的。\"

　　骗子沉默了5秒后说:\"您真能吹，把我思路都打乱了……”

　　朕呵呵一笑，并不言语。

　　朕的母后打电话过来说她在理发店，开的免提，过了一会母后悄悄对我说有个七十岁的老太太来了。

　　于是朕听见有一个女声问：“染发多少钱？”

　　理发员回答:\"80元。\"

　　老太太:\"太贵了，是不是染一半就40元呀\"

　　理发员沉默了一阵:\"嗯，只要你愿意。\"

　　老太太:\"那好吧，你只把白的染黑，黑的就别管了!\"

　　然后我就听不到理发员的声音了，呵呵。

　　前几天，朕刚刚诈尸，朕的表舅去相亲了，虽然朕并不知道这两件事有神马关联。

　　朕们一家的人，有一个通病，是就连朕这样的玉树临风风流倜傥帅气无比王八之气不可言喻的真龙也无法破解的-----老汉子病。

　　具体如下：

　　几年前

　　人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人朕（狗）人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人皇舅（狗）人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人皇弟（狗）人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人人

　　几年后

　　情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情情情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣
　　情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情情情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣 朕（狗） 情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情情情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情情情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情情情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情情侣 皇舅（狗） 情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情情情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情情情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情 皇弟（狗） 侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情情情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣

　　于是皇舅去相亲数次就成了这样的状况：

　　第一次

　　相亲的时候，气氛冷场。

　　皇舅想找个话题就问女的：“你看，旁边桌的那个女人长得好丑啊。”

　　女的冷冷回了句：“她是我姐。”

　　皇舅有点jong，愣了愣，故作镇定说道：“呵呵!真不好意思，你们长这么像，我早应该猜到的!”

　　然后就没有然后了……

　　第一次相亲，

　　皇舅：【KILL OUT】

　　----------------------------------------

　　第二次

　　相亲时，皇舅问女生：“额，你喜欢什么样的的男生呢”

　　女子非常文雅的说“人家只是一个淡淡的女子，想找一个淡淡的的男子!”

　　皇舅一脸尴尬的说：“对不起，咱们……不合适!…………我有两个…………”

　　第二次相亲，

　　皇舅：【KILL OUT AGAIN】

　　-------------------------------

　　第三次

　　皇舅相亲，跟一MM在西餐厅里相对而坐。在了解过双方的工作、教育、家庭、爱好后，交谈陷入困境。

　　皇舅偷偷发了一条短信。

　　皇舅：#中磨破，相亲没有西皮可聊了#

　　皇舅相亲后援团给他回了一条短信。

　　皇舅相亲后援团：话题！话题！转移话题！

　　于是皇舅开始扯些社会话题。

　　皇舅问道：“你是如何看待房市的”

　　MM愣了下，脸红着说：“还是，还是不要过于频繁比较好!”

　　第三次相亲

　　皇舅：KILL OUT TOICE

　　---------------------------

　　皇舅的母上气急了，把皇舅扔到一个大型娱乐相亲节目去了，还放下狠话，说找不到媳妇就找人爆他菊花，恩，没错，你没有幻听。

　　皇舅的母上是一位资深腐女政治家，曾获过第21届“论小受的菊花的百种吃法辩论会”金牌辩论这个荣誉称号。还有巴拉巴拉吧······

　　为了让皇舅有个大的机率，皇舅相亲后援团特地把七大姑八大姨的侄子的英国王子身份和一切财产都给搞来了。

　　于是皇舅就稀里糊涂成为一个半吊子王子。

　　参加相亲节目时如下。

　　女：婚后住哪有房吗

　　答：和奶奶、爸爸、后妈一起住，房是上世纪的。

　　10盏灯灭。

　　女：你干啥的你爸哪单位

　　答：我是大兵，我爸没单位。

　　8盏灯灭。

　　女：结婚有宝马

　　答：马车行吗

　　灯全灭。

　　主持人：你来自哪，叫什么

　　皇舅支支吾吾的答：英国，别人叫我威廉王子。。

　　--------------------------------

　　N次后，众生放弃了治疗，于是状况如下：

　　情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情情情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣
　　情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情情情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣 朕（狗） 情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情情情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情情情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情情情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情情侣 皇舅（狗） 情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情情情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情情情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情情情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情情情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情情情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情情情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣 皇舅相亲后援团（尸体 ） 情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣 情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情情情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情情情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情情情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情情情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情情情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣情侣