这章两个梗全是抄的。
先来说第一个,裘神仙念的那段东西,是成吉思汗写给丘处机的圣旨。
原文如下:
宣差都元帅贾昌传奉成吉思皇帝圣旨:丘神仙,你春月行程别来至夏曰,路上炎热艰难来,沿路好底铺马得骑来么?路里饮食广多不少来么?你到宣德州等处,官员好觑你来么?下头百姓得来么?我这里常思量着神仙你,我不曾忘了你,你休忘了我者。癸未年十一月十五曰。
嗯,我基本上是照搬的。当初第一次看到就觉得…………大汗说话真亲切,带着一种李小龙的“我读书不多,你不要骗我”的淳朴风情。(其实穿越中世纪那篇里引用的窝阔台写给匈牙利国王贝拉四世的信也相当的……淳朴……)
然后为了确定大汗是不是说话一直都这么亲切,我还特意去搜了搜他的其他圣旨,结果刚好给我搜到这样一封:
成吉思皇帝敕真人丘师:省所奏应诏而来者,备悉。惟师:道逾三子,德重多端。命臣奉厥元?,驰传访诸沧海。时与愿适,天不人远。两朝屡诏而不行,单使一邀而肯起。谓朕天启,所以身归。不辞暴露于风霜,自愿跋涉于沙碛。书章来上,喜慰何言?军国之事,非朕所期;道德之心,诚云可尚。朕以彼酋不逊,我伐用张。军旅临试,边陲底定。来从去背,实力率之故然;久逸暂劳,冀心服而后已。是用载扬威德,略驻车徒。重念云轩既发于蓬莱,鹤驭可游于天竺。达磨东迈,元印法以传心;老氏西行,或化胡而成道。顾川途之虽阔,瞻几杖以非遥。爰答来章,可明朕意。秋暑,师比平安好,指不多及。
怎么样?感觉完全不同了是不是?文绉绉古风大气了有木有?亲切淳朴的大汗不见了对不对?
虽然我估计了一下应该是大汗的秘书帮他写的,不过还是去搜了一下,结果给我搜到关于大汗的某几位秘书的事,其中提到一段内容大约是,这几位投降的蛮宋文人,常常因为拟圣旨拟的让大汗不如意,而被鞭打,写不好就打,改了不好接着打,一直打到大汗满意为止……
看看这封,再看看上面那封大汗让元帅亲传的,这帮软骨头货被人打实在是活该啊!!写的和BOSS风格一点都不一样不打你打谁啊!!你写成这样让大汗怎么办啊!!你看被我这种几百年后的蛋疼人士找出来一看就看出大汗用了枪手啊!!多没面啊!!
再说说长春真人丘处机丘神仙吧,裘神仙确实是借了他的名。其实以前我对丘真人无感,对他最大印象大概就是《东成西就》里面被周伯通摸胸的那位吧。
看了看那段历史和各种给真人洗地的文以及一些“高度的,积极的,正面的”评价,只想说,蒙古人一来立马带队投降跪舔的宗教领袖,不提他已经给够他面子了,居然还一大堆给这家伙唱赞歌的???
当然,汤米裘和丘处机是完全不一样的人。
后面一段吐槽帝国的全部抄自英国人上世纪70年代拍的嘲讽神片,巨蟒与圣杯系列(整个系列都很神)当中的《life of brian》。
40年前拍的2000年前的故事,拿到现在看也是字字珠玑。
原台词我贴在这里:
FRANCIS: We're gettin' in through the underground heating system here, up through into the main audience chamber here, and Pilate's wife's bedroom is here. Having grabbed his wife, we inform Pilate that she is in our custody and forthwith issue our demands. Any questions?
COMMANDO XERXES: What exactly are the demands?
REG: We're giving Pilate two days to dismantle the entire apparatus of the Roman Imperialist State, and if he doesn't agree immediately, we execute her.
MATTHIAS: Cut her head off?
FRANCIS: Cut all her bits off. Send 'em back on the hour every hour. Show them we're not to be trifled with.
REG: Also, we're demanding a ten foot mahogany statue of the Emperor Julius Caesar with his dock hangin' out.
P.F.J.: laughing
LORETTA: What? They'll never agree to that, Reg.
REG: That's just a bar-- a bargaining counter. And of course, we point out that they bear full responsibility when we chop her up, and that we shall not submit to blackmail!
COMMANDOS: No blackmail!
REG: They've bled us white, the bastards. They've taken everything we had, and not just from us, from our fathers, and from our fathers' fathers.
LORETTA: And from our fathers' fathers' fathers.
REG: Yeah.
LORETTA: And from our fathers' fathers' fathers' fathers.
REG: Yeah. All right, Stan. Don't labour the point. And what have they ever given us in return?!
XERXES: The aqueduct?
REG: What?
XERXES: The aqueduct.
REG: Oh. Yeah, yeah. They did give us that. Uh, that's true. Yeah.
COMMANDO #3: And the sanitation.
LORETTA: Oh, yeah, the sanitation, Reg. Remember what the city used to be like?
REG: Yeah. All right. I'll grant you the aqueduct and the sanitation are two things that the Romans have done.
MATTHIAS: And the roads.
REG: Well, yeah. Obviously the roads. I mean, the roads go without saying, don't they? But apart from the sanitation, the aqueduct, and the roads--
COMMANDO: Irrigation.
XERXES: Medicine.
COMMANDOS: Huh? Heh? Huh...
COMMANDO #2: Education.
COMMANDOS: Ohh...
REG: Yeah, yeah. All right. Fair enough.
COMMANDO #1: And the wine.
COMMANDOS: Oh, yes. Yeah...
FRANCIS: Yeah. Yeah, that's something we'd really miss, Reg, if the Romans left. Huh.
COMMANDO: Public baths.
LORETTA: And it's safe to walk in the streets at night now, Reg.
FRANCIS: Yeah, they certainly know how to keep order. Let's face it. They're the only ones who could in a place like this.
COMMANDOS: Hehh, heh. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.
REG: All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?
XERXES: Brought peace.
REG: Oh. Peace? Shut up!