3、Cat（下） ...
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21.
I was waked up by the knock on the door.
It happened on that winter midnight,yes, one I remember vividly as if it was yesterday.
He was standing in the lashing snowstorm, in messy summer clothes, freezing and wet through.
I could hear his mask smashing when he buried himself in my embrace.
“They threw me out, my clients, the sadists…”
“It’s all over now. I’m here and no one will hurt you any more.”
“I am a kept man…”
“You were but you won’t be if you choose to change.”
“I will starve to death if not earn my living…”
“Quit and I support you.”
He pushed against my shoulders, struggling to break away.
“No! Let go of me! I am dirty!”
“No, I want you,your beauty and your spots as well. Forget the past, all right You are to start it afresh…”
He nodded, with his tearful olive green eyes.
I lifted him from the floor and pressed my lips fiercely against his.
ON THE VERY NIGHT OF THEIR WEDDING, THE PRINCESS UNCOVERED HER SECRET.
CURSED BY THE DEVIL, SHE HAD TO BE DISSGUSTINGLY UGLY DURING HALF OF EVERY DAY.
BUT THE PRINCE CAN MAKE THE CHOICE.
WHETHER TO SHOW HER BEAUTY TO THE PUBLIC DURING DAYTIME AND ENDURE THE UGLY FACE AT NIGHT, OR TURN THE SITUATION OVER- MONSTER TO THE WORLD BUT PRINCESS FOR HIM.
In fact, I don’t care his sins.
As long as he belongs to me.
However, there should be a way to make everything perfect.
I believe so.
22.
He was lying beside me, with his arms hooked around my neck.
“If one day I suddenly vanished, would you still want me when I came back”
I chuckled and caress his face in the dim light.
“You’ve already tried that, mine. The kiss on the shirt can be wash, but not the one you print on my soul.”
Pause.
THE PRINCE SAID SOMETHING THEN.
MIRACLE TOOK PLACE THAT THE DEVIL’S CURSE WAS REMOVED.
SHE CAN BE HERSELF NOW, NO MATTER DAY OR NIGHT.
“Do you like cats” He asked, his pupils sparkling.
“What No. So what ”
“Nothing, nothing.” He murmured and nestled against my bare chest.
Pause again.
“I have got a cat. He is black and white in his fur, and always behaves himself. So will you let him in”
“Where is… er… him I can’t see any cats here.”
“He must be out after mice now. Coming back in the morning, maybe.”
I shrugged. “Well, I think I can put up with it if… he won’t disturb my life.”
“He won’t, certainly. You’re so considerate.”
He kissed me on the chest and then fell asleep.
23.
I draw my hand back, get up to my feet and put on the gloves for the second time. No.
There is nothing to stop me, nothing.
The cat’s eye follows me, pure and full of entreating.
It’s no use and do not look at me like that. He will come back later to feed you, if he still cares anything other than himself.
Wilful and selfish, isn’t he I’ve had enough of that.
24.
The sun was shining high above the sky and the snowstorm was over.
He had gone.
I felt a little disappointed.
It must be a dream, or a white lie. Maybe he won’t come back so he just made up all those words to comfort me.
Anyway, I should say “thank you” for what he had given me.
The hope.
The warmth.
Even if he was lying, from the very very beginning.
I opened the door for newspaper. It was sitting gracefully on the door mat.
His cat.
THE CRYSTAL SHOE.
Nevertheless, there was something true. That’s enough.
…
Another lonely supper. I was too used to that.
He came in from the door.
“Oh, I’m starving.”
He robbed me of my supper.
And my heart.
19.
I read poems because they are true, unlike those foolish tales for children.
EVERY BIT OF HER DREAM VANISHED EXCEPT THE CRYSTAL SHOE.
WHY
There must be someone telling lies.
ALWAYS ENDS UP IN A HAPPY MARRIGE.
BUT REALLY
Can’t they feel the gap growing day by day Maybe I am too sensitive. Something is growing between them. I can sniff out the stink of betray. So they both put on masks, tangoing on and on.
Until one day they are tired of giving excuses.
LOVE IS THE BIGEST LIE.
That is the truth, the ugly and filthy truth.
26.
I walk on, in ignorance of the cat.
Night is drawing near. How foolish am I to waste so much time over a cat! I hate cats, remember that They are devils of disloyalty, monsters under their deceptive fur coats.
I’m leaving.
I have got everything ready.
Only one thing is missed.
THE ANSWER.
I CAN NOT TINGK UP OF THE PRINCE’S ANSWER.
NO, THERE ARE NO MIRACLES AT ALL.
THEY ARE LYING.
THE WORLD IS LYING.
The cat runs quickly and stand firmly between my and the door.
What is it doing Urging me You silly beast! By no means can you retrieve the situation.
Still hanging out with those dubious guys, isn’t he I should have got it from the very beginning. But I just keep silence and pretend to be unaware. I gave him chances, again and again. He just ignored them, again and again. He really let me down and cut such a deep wound in my soul.
It hurts!
If there is still any sympathy left in his soul, why don’t he come up and tell me his lines face to face Nothing is left, nothing! And he is even inferior to a cat. At less it knows to stand in my way but see where has he gone Hiding, always hiding!
So get out of my way!
It is just of no use.
However.
Whoever.
27.
Last evening, I threw away the doll.
It might not happen so early if the women didn’t ask about the cat.
“What a lovely cat! Do you like cats”
“It’s his cat.”
She was just a shabby doll that took up his absence.
But who can take up the vacuum in my soul
No one.
WHAT DID THE PRINCE SAID
TELL ME THE ANSWER, OR YOU GET OUT!
NO ONE CAN TELL ME.
NO ONE.
“His “
“What do you mean by ‘his’”
“I am just a toy to be thrown away”
“You filthy fag!”
“Monster!”
She slapped me hard on the face and run out, crying.
I betrayyou all, because you all betray me!
Did I cry
I deserve it.
28.
I stride over the cat and kick open the door..
I DON’T CARE THE ANSWER ANY LONGER.
IT’S A LIE!
With my old violin in one hand and my suitcase in the other, I rush out into the freezing darkness.
“IT’S UP TO YOU, MY LOVE.”
At a moment I think I hear the voice of a man.
So familiar.
I turn back but nothing happens.
The door was shut.
My suitcase has drawn two long tracks in the virgin snow.
A cold night.
29.
Now, I’m leaving.
（THE END）
作者有话说
第3章 Cat（下）
