《BC Diary》702587

1、第1章

　　Today I saw him. He\'s with the guy he abandoned me for. It has been three years. I think I can handle the word abandon. Three years seems three days to me. I can memorize every detail that we\'ve been through. But I know the difference between being stupid and acting stupid. I\'ll never humiliate myself in that way. However, I almost gave up today. The moment I saw him fell off, I couldn\'t help hating myself for hurting him. I need to be stone.
He\'s totally a grow up. I can see it from his eyes. He\'ll never sit on the couch with his head on my shoulder again. Suddenly, I hate the one who can do so. I think I still not over him. I\'ve imagined so many times if we met again. He might change a lot, being sophisticated and never have the naive smile that I love. And I can completely over him. But I was wrong. He is sophisticated, but in a good way. He\'s becoming a man I could no longer spoilded him as my beloved one. This makes me so excited. I even looked forward to seeing him beat me in carear. He\'s the best riral that I can find.
I couldn\'t believe my eyes. He came to see me and beg me to be with him again. Who does he think he is! How can he asking me to be with him with that smile on his face after he abandoned me in that way! I thought he\'s different. But I guessed I was wrong. I was angry about him then. But now I know, I didn\'t hate him. I was just too afaid to bet a life time happiness with my heart. I am such a coward. And I can\'t trust him like before any more. This is it. Last time goodbye.
My heart is ripped. And I have nothing to cover it. When I saw him in the snow. I wannna slap myself. I don\'t mean to hurt him, just wish him could leave me alone. So I can lead a peaceful life. I know life without him will be the hell everyday. But seeing him leave me again will actually kill me. I wannna keep the last dignity. However, this time I think I almost kill him. He\'s right. Red lotus is way better than us. At least they know who they love each other eventually. But he\'ll never know how much I love him. Last time, sorry and goodbye.