《Fairy tale not reaching the forest (this is English version, authorized)》sky雨

4、Sunny days

　　Perhaps it is impossible to form a complete sentence, and no one can hear what I am saying. Why are those mud rubbing too clean? Why do you rub those mud or get his dark hair dirty? Why is his pale face white by the sun? What to do, Miyao? I can't wipe clean, how can I wipe it clean! I held his head and knelt in the middle of the crowd, and could not help but cry again. All emotions seemed to have found the exit of the vent, and they scrambled out. Why is that? Why is that? Miya, he fell in front of me, and rubbed it from my fingertips. If I had pulled him up then, if I had taken him to shore, he would not have died. "Xiao Xiao! The tragic cry drilled into my ear, and then I was pulled away. It was Miya Xu’s mother and father who came, their faces were full of grief and anger, and they looked at me with hate. I held Miyao’s hand unrelenting, I dared not loosen, I was afraid that as soon as I loosened, I would never see him again. "You let go! " A girl came over, raised a hand high, and a "snap" smoked in my face, "You killed my brother, you killed him! You let go. I don't want you to take my brother! “Yes, it was all I had to do, it was my fault, sorry, sorry, sorry…” I repeatedly said sorry, but no one would forgive me, and I could not even forgive myself. The girl is Miya, Miya’s sister. She broke my fingers one by one, and then pushed me away so hard, and a broken breathing regulator fell on my face, and hysterically yelled, "Why haven't you found it?" Why? Why aren't you using this regulator? Why is my brother dead and you are alive? Why don't you die?" she yelled, yelled, yelled, and sat down in the ground without strength. She had a similar eyebrow to Miya Xu, looking at her angry and sad look, and I was completely unable to argue. I trembled to pick up the broken regulator from the ground. Yeah, Miya Xu dive equipment was my inspection, at the time I was so absent, full of trepidation, thinking about what Miyao would say to me after the dive was over, what I wanted to say to him. So that I perfectly checked the regulator and gave it to him. This perfunctory move, you want Miyao's life! Miya is right, I killed Miya, I killed him. "You know what? Today is my brother's birthday! It was his eighteenth birthday! " Miya sat in tears full of face on the ground, and the voice was somewhat hoarse at me. This sound seemed to have exhausted her all her strength, and as soon as she cried out, she was with her parents, hugging Miyaku crying. I covered my mouth with force, and dared not cry in front of my family. I don’t know that today is Miya Xu’s eighteenth birthday. At the age of eighteen, the best years of life began, but he lay cold on this wet beach, and could no longer rise. He said, “Today is a special day. He said, “Pick up the rain, do you say I can succeed today? “If I had a record breaking this time, I had something important to say to you after landing. “Miya Xu, Miyao Xu… are all bad, all bad, all bad! Why didn't I think you said that the special day was your 18th birthday? Why didn't I have a "Happy Birthday" to tell you? Why do I just think about what matters and not check that breathing regulator? Why did my negligence lead to your so vivid and beautiful young life cease on the eighteenth birthday? Why? Why wasn't the one who died me? Why is Miya dead, but I am still alive? My hands tightly covered my mouth, my stomach is in a rapid convulsion ... Miya Xu, Miyao, I'm sorry! Excuse me! Everyone is accusing me, everyone is scolding me, they blame me for killing Miyao, even if I am just not heartless. But the truth is, the fact is because of my negligence, Miyao has died. Not only are they unable to forgive me, but I cannot forgive myself. I couldn’t remember how I got home that day. For a month after that, I was in a state of chaos and could not remember what I had experienced. Because as long as you think, there is only pain in the head, then the heart also pain, the limbs are painful. My mother was terrified, she kept me all day and night. She said, "Pick up the rain, Mom only you, if even you have something, what to do with Mom? You are mother's baby, you are mother's heart liver, you do not die. You have to be stronger! I looked at my mother’s face, which was an instant old face for fear, and her eyes were so deserted and sad. I reached out and touched her face. She was frightened, and her eyes fired, and then opened her arms and hugged me with strength. "Can you hear my voice, please? Can you hear me speak to you? Her voice was anxious with a glare of joy, and then unjustly pulling me out. I don't know where she's going to take me. It is autumn, full of dead leaves, stepping up will break. Like my heart, it's broken. She took me to the hospital and took me to Dr. Zhang. Mechanically answered questions, thinking mechanically, and I was all over. I don’t know why I’m alive, I don’t understand why I’m not dead yet. Yes, in the face of the doctor's problems, I was asking myself why I didn't die. Miyao, because I died, what else do I have to live? "Shah picked up rain, is it painful to live? Dr. Zhang's amber eyes seemed to be able to see through the human heart, "Do you think you're dead? “What a bad girl. Dr. Zhang suddenly came close to me, looking straight into my eyes, and did not give me the opportunity to avoid, "die and disappear from this world, then, all the wrong things, and disappear together, right? So, you think death is the best way to get rid of it. But what if you die, what do you do with the living? What do they do to those who hate you and love you? "There's always a little bit of a pit, right? Those who hate you need, and those who love you need. Don't say others, you yourself, can you forgive yourself to die directly? Living to atonel sin, alive to face the greatest punishment of the living, right? Dr. Zhang’s words seemed to be a sharp axe that chopped my pocket and chopped my chaotic brain with a great clarity. Yes, death can be free, but it cannot be atoned. I did so much, but wanted to die, how irresponsible it was! Living is the greatest punishment, I have to live. Even if it is painful and suffering, I must live. "Will you cooperate with the treatment? Dr. Zhang asked me. I nodded mechanically, and he seemed satisfied. And from that time on, I had to come to the hospital once a month. I didn’t leave school, I went on to class. The words of accusation, the eyes of hatred, clearly tell me that I am alive and I have made a great mistake. It is my punishment for myself, the path I have chosen, and I have to go forward. I have to live not for a beautiful future, but for a cruel past. I have no future, I am alive, just purely alive, so that. How long have I not been remembering these things? Long time! I dare not think, I fear to think, I will want to die. I can't die, so I don't think. Now, in the face of Miya's questioning, these past events are brainly blown out. They did not follow my will, and they all poured up so suddenly. My hand clung to a white rose, my hands were broken, and blood flowed out, and a few petals were stained. "Don't look like this, no one pity you! “Miya had some sharp voices on top of his head. I turned my head, and on the gravestone, the Miya's wet eyes looked straight at me. In that eye, it seemed to have a little sad. I tightly tightly tied my lips and went on to pick up the scattered branches. "Okay--" a drop of beans fell, followed by a pop of heavy rain. Miya, with the umbrella, quickly walked away, I was still picking up flower branches. I have to pick up these branches. Miya is right, I am not entitled to worship Miya. I was so happy to forget, how could I think I could come and see him? I am not qualified to see him. I couldn’t let my flowers dirty his grave. I knelt down on my ground slowly. The rain splashed the dust and dirty the white flowers. One was a little far away, and I moved a little further. As I reached out to pick up the flower, the rain over my head suddenly stopped, and a white and long hand slowly picked up the flower. I was shocked to lift my head, and there was a boy standing there. He wore white shirts, black cloth pants, a slightly naturally rolled black hair, a pair of amber eyes, holding an umbrella in one hand, and the white rose in one hand. He stood before me, two steps away from me, and reached out to me. I took the flower and stood up and ran away quickly. I wanted to find a place to hide myself, every hair, every breath, and hide it. I ran too fast, without seeing the steps under my feet, and fell hastily, and the flowers in my hands were scattered everywhere. It rained so much, my eyes were blurred. The eyes were swelled very painful, and the face was all water, I couldn't tell if I was crying, or the fault of rain. I lifted my hand and rubbed it hard, but I couldn’t wipe it away. I continued to pick up those flowers. I can't let these flowers stay here, not even a piece of petals or leaves. "Hey! The boy shouted me from behind. I didn’t look back and ran away with those flowers. Miya stood under the shade at the entrance of the cemetery, looking coldly at me, with a cold and stinging eye. Hate me, hate me forever, and don't forgive me! My reason for existence is to bear your hatred. Excuse me, sorry! I know that no matter how many words I say “sorry” are meaningless, but this guilt, this pain, excluding “sorry”, I don’t know how to express it. I ran home wet all over my body, and I fell several times along the way, my knees and arms were scratched, and the wound was white by rain. When I got home, my mother saw me like this, rushed straight over and wiped my whole body with dry towels. I know, she hurts me. But I am in pain to live for those who love me and hate me. The head seemed to explode, as if it were to be torn in half by birth. “Mom, I hurt. I held my mother and said in a low voice, “I hurt so much.” “It doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t hurt.